2.2 news script 2nd draft

This is the second draft of my news script.

Radio 1 Newsbeat

Welcome to BBC newsbeat.

US President Barack Obama, Francois Hollande of France and UK PM David Cameron will be among the sixty heads of state attending Tuesday's memorial at a Soweto stadium for the former South African President Nelson Mandela who sadly passed away at the age of ninety five.

The Prime Minister of Thailand Yingluck Shinawatra (Yin-glak Chinn-a-wat) has announced that she will be dissolving parliament to hold an election as soon as possible. The announcement follows the news of a wave of anti-government protests over the apparent illegitimacy of the elected government.

GOTO AUDIO NAME: R1 Thai election.
OUT WORDS: since the protests.
DURATION: 0:12.

Three men who are believed to be the victims of slavery have been rescued by Avon and Somerset police in a series of raids carried out in the Bristol area. The victims aged between thirty and fifty have been taken to a place of safety while two people have been arrested on slavery offences. Five others have also been arrested on charges of money laundering and handling stolen goods.

New BBC figures have revealed that many patients in the UK being taken to NHS hospitals by ambulance are having to wait outside A&E longer than the recommended fifteen minutes. In the worst case, a patient in Wales was delayed for more than six hours. Delays over thirty minutes can lead to fines for hospitals.

GOTO AUDIO NAME: R1 A&E wait time.
OUT WORDS: Serious changes.
DURATION: 0:09.

A new review says people in their forties have the highest rates of admissions into hospital for alcohol and drug related illness. Out of the five hundred thousand people admitted in the last 3 years, one hundred and twenty thousand were in their forties. Those from the least wealthy backgrounds were four times more likely than the wealthiest to end up in hospital. Overall, one in 10 emergency admissions is related to drug and alcohol abuse, costing the NHS £600m a year.

The co-founder of Google’s Android operating system Andy Rubin has started work on a building a range of next gen robots. Google has not revealed any specific details, but it is thought it will target companies in the manufacturing and retail sectors.

England cricket captain Alastair Cook has told the rest of the players to stand up and be counted as the moved to the brink of surrendering the ashes to Australia with another huge loss. England were bowled out for three hundred and twelve in their second innings as they racked up a two hundred and eighteen run defeat in Adelaide.

GOTO AUDIO NAME: R1 Cook interview.
OUT WORDS: It’s a shame really.
DURATION: 0:18.

The FA have decided to stay silent after their chairman Greg Dyke was seen to have made a cut throat gesture at the world cup draw in Brazil. It appears that Dyke was writing off England’s chances at this year’s tournament after Roy Hodgeson’s side were handed a though group with games against Italy and Uruguay. The England manager claimed not to have seen the gesture despite being sat next to Dyke.

GOTO AUDIO NAME: R1 Dyke conference.
OUT WORDS: No comment.
DURATION: 0:09

Former Portsmouth defender Sam Sodje has claimed during an undercover  sting operation that he was paid seventy thousand pounds to be sent off in a  game against Odlham in February last season. The player was sent off for punching Jose Baxter in the groin and was fined then thousand pounds and given a 3 match ban. An NCA and FA investigation into the matter has been launched.

Premiership leaders Arsenal were held to a 1-1 draw at the Emirates by Roberto Martinez’s Everton side yesterday. Mesut Ozil opened the scoring for the gunners in the 80th minute but Everton hit back immediately with a goal from on loan Spaniard Gerard Deulofeu. The Toffies impressive run continues with the result following last week’s victory over Manchester United.
That was your twelve o’clock news update with me David Burd. We’ll be back in an hour with another news update.

Radio news script 1st draft

Here is the first draft of my radio news script

Radio 1 Newsbeat

US President Barack Obama, Francois Hollande of France and UK PM David Cameron will be among the 60 heads of state attending Tuesday's memorial at a Soweto stadium for the former South African President Nelson Mandela who passed away at the age of 95.

The Prime Minister of Thailand Yingluck Shinawatra has announced that she will be dissolving parliament to hold an election as soon as possible. The announcement follows the news of a wave of anti-government protests over the apparent illegitimacy of the elected government.

3 men who are believed to be the victims of slavery have been rescued by Avon and Somerset police in a series of raids carried out in the Bristol area. The victims aged between 30 and 50 have been taken to a place of safety while 2 people have been arrested on slavery offences. 5 others have also been arrested on charges of money laundering and handling stolen goods.

New BBC figures have revealed that many patients in the UK being taken to NHS hospitals by ambulance are having to wait outside A&E longer than the recommended 15 minutes. In the worst case, a patient in Wales was delayed for more than six hours. Delays over 30 minutes can lead to fines for hospitals.

A new review says people in their 40s have the highest rates of admissions into hospital for alcohol and drug related illness. Out of the five hundred thousand people admitted in the last 3 years, one hundred and twenty thousand were in their 40s. Those from the least wealthy backgrounds were four times more likely than the wealthiest to end up in hospital. Overall, one in 10 emergency admissions is related to drug and alcohol abuse, costing the NHS £600m a year.

The co-founder of Google’s Android operating system Andy Rubin has started work on a building a range of next gen robots. Google has not revealed any specific details, but it is thought it will target companies in the manufacturing and retail sectors.

England cricket captain Alastair Cook has told the rest of the players to stand up and be counted as the moved to the brink of surrendering the ashes to Australia with another huge loss. England were bowled out for 312 in their second innings as they racked up a 218 run defeat in Adelaide.

The FA have decided to stay silent after their chairman Greg Dyke was seen to have made a cut throat gesture at the world cup draw in Brazil. It appears that Dyke was writing off England’s chances at this year’s tournament after Roy Hodgeson’s side were handed a though group with games against Italy and Uruguay. The England manager claimed not to have seen the gesture despite being sat next to Dyke.

Former Portsmouth defender Sam Sodje has claimed during an undercover sting operation that he was paid seventy thousand pounds to be sent off in a game against Odlham in February last season. The player was sent off for punching Jose Baxter in the groin and was fined then thousand pounds and given a 3 match ban. An NCA and FA investigation into the matter has been launched.

Premiership leaders Arsenal were held to a 1-1 draw at the Emirates by Roberto Martinez’s Everton side yesterday. Mesut Ozil opened the scoring for the gunners in the 80th minute but Everton hit back immediately with a goal from on loan Spaniard Gerard Deulofeu. The Toffies impressive run continues with the result following last week’s victory over Manchester United.

2.1 Advert evaluation

This is my evaluation of my radio advert script.

Assignment 2.1 Evaluation

To construct my advert I initially looked through the college website for facts which would be useful to include in promoting the college. I already had the idea for the general premise of a voice over advert going wrong in my head but I needed to research figures which would fit in. I wrote down my ideas about how the interaction between the two characters would go and used this as a basis to try out using the script form, extracts from this became part of my first and second drafts.

Once my first draft was complete I designed a feedback form for classmates to write down what they though of my initial ideas. I asked “Does this advert appeal to you? Why?” the general consensus was that they liked it because it involved humour and because it was different to most things they heard regularly on the radio. I used this and decided that I should make my final draft funnier for more entertainment value. The second question was about how memorable it was and most people said it was because of the humour used. Thirdly I asked “What would you suggest to improve the script?” this is where I felt I got the best feedback as several people mentioned that there should be some sort of jingle or song playing. Taking this on board I added a short musical bed for the director to speak over at the end of may advert, I felt that this would also help my premise fit in better with the conventions people are used to hearing. Finally I asked whether the accent of those involved in the advert would matter to the listener. Only one person said they felt this way so although I initially had concerns about the locality element, I decided not to specify.

As I’ve already mentioned the premise for my idea is pretty unconventional but a lot of the script content does fit in with the norm for radio advertisements. Like most adverts the end of mine guides people to the website it’s promoting, “Visit www.gateshead.ac.uk”. I have also used persuasive language which all adverts use, “Come to Gateshead College, it’s a great place to learn”. There are also examples of how my advert subverts typical conventions of radio. An example of this is in the line “…Wait that can’t be right…” the fact that the voice actor in the script dismisses the information about the college as being exaggerated does not fit in with how most other adverts go. The use of humour in my script also subverts the usual conventions in adverts. Not to say that other adverts don’t use humour, it’s the fact that my script sounds a lot more surreal than others do. Having an actor run out of a recording shouting “I want to be a policeman” definitely does not follow radio conventions.

I believe that my script would make a pretty successful advert overall. It targets the audience by using humour and by standing out from other adverts they hear it will be much more memorable. It achieves the goal of promoting Gateshead College by including the relevant information in the advert and by using language and phrases which will persuade people to want to study there. Looking at the advert from a negative aspect, maybe the fact that it is different to what’s out there it may give out the wrong impression of the college. Keeping the views of the client in mind when making an advert is crucial, if you don’t then they probably won’t use your idea. This is something I will have to consider next time I’m writing an advert script.

In summation I have learned several new things such as how to write a script for a radio advert, how to research for a radio advert, how to use feedback to make improvements and how to evaluate scripts I have written. I believe that to improve my advert I could have put more effort in at the research stage and find more relevant information to do with the college. Next time I will develop my second draft further from my original idea as I believe this will allow me to improve my overall script.

David Burd