Learning outcome 3 evaluation

Assignment 3 Evaluation

Adapted news script:

In this task we had to adapt a news script about education after the age of sixteen for primary school children. We had a time limit of 30 seconds for the story, which equates to around 90 words. I started off by reading through the full story and picking out the key details such as different kinds of education available after you turn sixteen and the contact information. I then researched the way in which features for younger children are written by looking on the CBBC website and reading some scripts for Newsround. Once I had an idea of the vocabulary and structure they were likely to understand I jotted down initial ideas of how I could explain what things like vocational courses were. From looking at scripts targeted at similar age ranges I deduced that using examples is a good way to explain a point without repeating yourself, so when I mentioned vocational courses I linked it to learning to be a hairdresser.

The feedback I received was all positive, most people remarked that my inclusion of a phone number for parents to call was a good idea. It gave people an easy way to find out more, which I couldn’t cover in a 90 word script. It was also commented upon that my use of the term “free money” when talking about bursaries would appeal to the audience, both in the fact that children don’t really have access to money and that they would not know what a bursary is. The style of my script would fit in well in a Newsround type show with its informational content, like telling people about the health benefits people with highly paid jobs have over those who are on lower incomes. It might however be slightly too formal for the target audience, I decided not to use slang or dumb it down in any way as I thought I could get the point across by using clear explanation and reasoning. I have used language which would appeal to the target audience, for example by saying “get in trouble with the law” is aimed at children, using trouble instead of get arrested is more relatable to them. The main convention which I’ve used is plugging the contact details at the end of the piece and the fact that I’ve said “get your parents to call” is another thing which is usually said when targeting a younger audience.

Adapted fairy tale:

For this task we had to find a fairy tale and update it for a modern setting, I chose the classic children’s story of little red riding hood. To bring it into modern times I made ‘Red’ wear a hoodie instead of a riding hood and set the story in an inner city housing estate. Instead of having a big bad wolf as the villain I decided to use the modern fear of a strange man preying on the helpless as no one in todays world is afraid of running into a wolf in a dark alley way. In researching the story I say that the classic “all the better to” lines were in pretty much every version of the tale so I thought that I would have to include this convention. I have appealed to my target audience by including messages such as listening to your parents and not talking to strangers, also the updated references would appeal to a modern child. The language and vocabulary used would also suit the audience and the conventions of fairy tales because it is simplistic, words like ‘big’ and ‘strange’ aren’t too difficult for younger people to read and understand. I have however included some words like ‘cautiously’, which might challenge a child and help them learn. I would say that content wise, my story obviously differs from the original but in terms of teaching children lessons and using the right balance of complex and none complex verbs I think it does adhere to the norm.

Summary:

Adapting pre-existing text to fit my own purpose is very different to creating your own work, you have to look into the values and point which the original is trying to get across. When creating your own piece you have your own message and ideas to put forward. If I were to do this task again I honestly don’t think I would do much differently. I believe that my scripts were good and fit within the conventions of the original texts.  However I do think that I could have made both of the scripts more informal, which with my personal writing style can be difficult. The informality of a text for young people would usually appeal to them more than something with a more organized structure. For the adapted fairy tale I think that there are parts of the story which I spent too long on and some which I have almost skipped. In conclusion I have learned much more about researching for a specific target audience which I don’t fit into. This will help me in all of my future assignments because I now know that the audience completely dictates the style and way you create or adapt a text.

David Burd.

2.2 Evaluation of news script

This is my evaluation for unit 2.2

 

2.2 Evaluation

For unit 2 I had to produce a news script for a BBC radio 1 news beat. To construct my news script I first researched several different online and on air news sources such as BBC news, Sky news, Daily Telegraph online, Absolute radio news and BBC newsbeat. This was so I could get an understanding of how they are constructed and how they are spoken on air. I learnt a lot about the pacing and types of language news sources use to target the audience. In my planning I made sure I found a wide range of news topics and sports headlines so I could get experience in writing different types of stories. Using feedback from my tutor I added audio inserts for outside broadcasts into my script e.g. ‘’ GOTO AUDIO NAME: R1 Thai election’’. I also added some emotive words into my script such as ‘’sadly passed away’’ in relation to Nelson Mandela’s death.

I believe that my script follows the conventions for a radio 1 news beat because as mentioned above I’ve used audio inserts and spelled some words out phonetically such as ‘’The Prime Minister of Thailand Yingluck Shinawatra (Yin-glak Chinn-a-wat)‘’ .  I have also kept the news stories unbiased which would fit in with the conventions of the BBC as opposed to some news stories from TV channels such as Fox news. To appeal to my target audience I have made sure that my news stories are relevant to them and used language which most people would understand. Some of the words I’ve used such as “illegitimacy” and “laundering” might not be regularly used by the majority but I decided to keep in line with convention and not dumb down stories. The style of my script is informative yet does not contain more detail than is necessary. I’ve tried to keep it in line with the kind of news I listen to and read.

I have learnt many things from this assignment such as the importance of varying sources and how to use phonetic spelling for the news readers’ benefit. Most importantly I have learnt how to comb through long articles to pick out the key information which would be suitable for broadcast on radio. I’ve learnt that choosing the right story for your target audience is also important, as the wrong story won’t have any relevance to listeners. For example a news story about local affairs would have no place on a national stations news. If I were to undergo this task again then the main thing I would do differently would be working in a swifter manner. I now have the basis to write a script from and will make sure to use the feedback I got from tutors and class mates from the start. I can always look to improve my writing abilities to make each future script better than the last.

David Burd

Adapted fairy tale

This is my adapted fairy tale script.

Adapted fairy tale – Little red riding hood

Once upon a time there lived a young girl who lived in an estate on the edge of the city’s biggest park. She could always be seen around in her favourite red hoodie, she hardly wore anything else. Because of this everyone knew her as Red Riding Hood. Red’s grandmother had been ill for a long time and needed help with day to day things, so Red’s mother would send her over to make sure she was okay. Being a kind granddaughter, Red decided to take her some cake in a basket she had made that morning. “Be careful” Red’s mother said to her before she left, ’’Don’t go through the park, stay on the street. ‘’Don’t worry, I will’’ replied Red.

Her Grandmother lived about half an hours walk from Red, but if she took the shortcut through the park then she would be there in fifteen minutes. She decided to take the shortcut to save time. As she was walking through the wooded park, a strange man came up to her. ‘’Hello Red Riding Hood, why are you out so early’’ he said. ‘’Hello’’ replied Red cautiously, ‘’I’m off to see my Grandmother, she’s unwell’’.  The man eyed her basket, ‘’what’s in there? Something for your Grandmother?’’. ‘’Cake which I made myself’’ replied Red proudly. The strange man smiled and said ‘’I’m sure it’s tasty’’ then as an afterthought ‘’where does your Grandmother live?’’. Red pointed as she told him ‘’Just at the end of this path, the smallest cottage’’.  As Red walked off the strange man thought to himself ‘’what a tender young girl, she will be better to eat than the old lady. I must catch them both’’. ‘’Wait Red, would you not like to pick her some flowers, I’m sure she’d love that’’. Red thought that was a great idea so went off of the path to pick the prettiest bunch she could find.

Meanwhile the strange man ran straight to Grandmothers house and knocked on the door. ‘’Who’s there’’ came Gran’s voice from inside. ‘’It’s Red, I have some cake for you’’ the man said in a high pitched voice. As soon as the old lady had opened the door the man ran in and leapt on her. Within minutes she had been tied up in the cupboard and the man was in bed in her pyjamas and glasses. A few seconds later there came a knock on the door ‘’Grandmother I’m here’’ called Red. ‘’Come in, come in’’ replied the man. Red entered the room slowly, ‘’Oh Grandmother your voice sounds so croaky you must be really ill’’. ‘’Oh Grandmother,’’ she said while getting closer to the bed, ’’what big ears you have’’. ‘’All the better to hear you with, my child,’' was the reply. '’But, grandmother, what big eyes you have’' she exclaimed. ‘’All the better to see you with, my dear’'. ‘'But, grandmother, what large hands you have’’. ‘’All the better to hug you with’’. It was at that point the man leapt out of bed and grabbed Red. She cried out in fear as the man tied her up, ‘’help help!’’.

Luckily for Red her shouts and cries were heard by a passing policeman who burst into the cottage with his gun drawn. Caught off guard the man jumped and fell on the floor, hitting his head. The police officer cuffs the strange man and unties Red. ‘’What has he done to my grandmother?!’’ exclaimed Red. It was at that point they heard a muffled call from the cupboard which Red went over to open. ‘’I’m so glad you’re safe’’ She said while Red hugged her. They untied her and the police officer took the man to his car to send him off to jail. Red and her Grandmother at a slice of cake each and had a cup of tea. Red had learnt her lesson about talking to strangers.

David Burd

3.2 News script adaptation

This is my adaptation for the news script for young people.

3.2 adapted news script

 Next year the age young people will be able to leave education is changing to eighteen. This doesn’t mean you’ll have to stay in school as you can go to college or even take up an apprenticeship. So you’ll get real training as part of your education and get paid for doing it. The reason the government is doing this is because people who stay on in education tend to get higher paid jobs, are healthier and are less likely to get in trouble with the law.

You can do A levels which are subjects like maths, science and history. International Baccalaureate which gives you a more subjects than A levels. Diplomas and vocational qualifications, which train you for one job like hairdressing.

By staying on at studying you may be able to get free money to help you in your learning in the form of a bursary. To find out more you can get in touch with your local connexions office or get your parents to call the National Careers Service on 0800 100 900.